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Category: Relationship

How to stop pursuing a distancer

Breaking the Cycle: How to Stop Pursuing a Distancer

In the realm of relationships, there exists a common dynamic known as the pursuer-distancer relationship. This pattern involves one person (the pursuer) seeking more intimacy and closeness, while the other person (the distancer) pulls away to maintain a sense of independence. This can create a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal that can be emotionally draining and damaging to the relationship. If you find yourself in the role of the pursuer, it’s important to understand how to break this cycle. This article will provide a comprehensive guide on how to stop pursuing a distancer.

Understanding the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic:

The first step in breaking the cycle is understanding the dynamic at play. The pursuer is often driven by a fear of abandonment and seeks reassurance through closeness and connection. The distancer, on the other hand, fears losing their autonomy and responds by withdrawing to protect their independence. This dynamic can be triggered by various factors, including past relationship experiences, childhood attachment styles, or individual personality traits.

Steps to Stop Pursuing a Distancer:

  1. Self-Awareness: Recognize your role as a pursuer and understand the underlying fears and needs driving your behavior. This self-awareness is the first step towards change.
  2. Self-Care: Instead of seeking validation and reassurance from the distancer, focus on self-care and self-love. Engage in activities that make you happy and boost your self-esteem.
  3. Establish Boundaries: Setting healthy boundaries can help break the cycle. Communicate your needs clearly, but also respect the distancer’s need for space.
  4. Seek Professional Help: A therapist or counselor can provide valuable insights and strategies to help you navigate this complex dynamic.
  5. Practice Patience: Change takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you both work towards a healthier relationship dynamic.

Conclusion:

Breaking the pursuer-distancer cycle requires understanding, effort, and patience. By focusing on self-awareness, self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking professional help, you can stop pursuing a distancer and start building a healthier, more balanced relationship. Remember, it’s not about changing the other person, but about understanding and managing your own behaviors and reactions. With time and effort, you can break free from this cycle and foster a relationship based on mutual respect, understanding, and love.

Simple & practical ways to stop overthinking

Overthinking is the process of dwelling on negative thoughts and worries, often to the point of causing anxiety, stress, and even physical symptoms such as headaches or insomnia. Overthinking can involve analyzing past events, worrying about the future, or obsessing over small details. It can be a result of anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions, or it can be a habit that develops over time. Overthinking can be detrimental to mental health and can interfere with daily life, making it difficult to focus on tasks or enjoy activities. It is important to recognize when overthinking is becoming a problem and to seek help if needed.

Embody this 27 ways and free your mind from overthinking.

  1. Practice mindfulness meditation
  2. Write down your thoughts and worries
  3. Challenge your negative thoughts
  4. Focus on the present moment
  5. Take a break from social media and technology
  6. Practice deep breathing exercises
  7. Exercise regularly
  8. Get enough sleep
  9. Practice self-care activities such as taking a bath or reading a book
  10. Talk to a trusted friend or family member
  11. Seek professional help if needed
  12. Practice gratitude
  13. Set realistic goals and priorities
  14. Learn to say no and set boundaries
  15. Practice positive self-talk
  16. Take a break from work or other stressors
  17. Practice visualization techniques
  18. Listen to calming music or sounds
  19. Spend time in nature
  20. Practice yoga or other relaxation techniques
  21. Identify and challenge your cognitive distortions
  22. Practice self-compassion
  23. Focus on what you can control
  24. Practice problem-solving techniques
  25. Practice acceptance and letting go of things you cannot control
  26. Seek support from a therapist or counselor
  27. Practice forgiveness, both for yourself and others.

Which one will it be for you today? Remember that each prompt is a gateway to focus and deep dive on. You have the power and all you need to do is show up.

5 Books That Will Help You In Your Self Development Journey

“Make Your Bed”

is a book written by Admiral William H. McRaven, a retired United States Navy admiral. The book is based on a commencement speech he gave at the University of Texas at Austin in 2014. Some of the key points from the book include:

1. The importance of taking small, everyday actions to achieve larger goals. Admiral McRaven argues that making your bed every morning is a simple task that can set the tone for the rest of the day and help you feel more in control of your life.

2. The value of discipline and perseverance in achieving success. Admiral McRaven draws on his experiences as a Navy SEAL to illustrate the importance of pushing through difficult challenges and never giving up.

3. The power of teamwork and collaboration in achieving shared goals. Admiral McRaven emphasizes the importance of working together and supporting one another in order to achieve success.

4. The need to embrace failure and learn from mistakes. Admiral McRaven argues that failure is an inevitable part of life, but that it can also be a valuable learning experience that helps us grow and improve.

5. The importance of maintaining a positive attitude and finding joy in life’s simple pleasures. Admiral McRaven encourages readers to focus on the good things in life and to appreciate the beauty of the world around them.

Overall, “Make Your Bed” is a motivational book that encourages readers to take action, persevere through challenges, and find joy in life’s simple pleasures.

“Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence”

is a book written by Daniel Goleman, a psychologist and science journalist. The book explores the concept of focus and its role in achieving excellence in various areas of life. Some of the key points from the book include:

1. The importance of attention and focus in achieving success. Goleman argues that the ability to focus one’s attention is a key driver of excellence in any field, from sports to business to the arts.

2. The different types of focus, including inner focus (such as mindfulness and self-awareness) and outer focus (such as paying attention to others and the environment).

3. The role of emotions in focus and attention. Goleman argues that emotions can either help or hinder our ability to focus, and that emotional intelligence is a key factor in achieving excellence.

4. The impact of technology on our ability to focus. Goleman explores the ways in which technology can distract us and disrupt our ability to focus, and provides strategies for managing these distractions.

5. The importance of deliberate practice in developing focus and achieving excellence. Goleman argues that deliberate practice, which involves focused and intentional effort to improve one’s skills, is essential for achieving mastery in any field.

Overall, “Focus” is a thought-provoking book that explores the role of attention and focus in achieving excellence. It provides practical strategies for developing focus and managing distractions, and emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence and deliberate practice in achieving success.

“Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience”

is a book written by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a psychologist who has studied the concept of flow for many years. The book explores the idea of flow, which is a state of complete absorption and engagement in an activity. Some of the key points from the book include:

1. The definition of flow and its characteristics. Csikszentmihalyi describes flow as a state of complete immersion in an activity, where one’s attention is fully focused and time seems to pass quickly. Flow is characterized by a sense of control, a loss of self-consciousness, and a feeling of enjoyment and fulfillment.

2. The benefits of flow. Csikszentmihalyi argues that flow is not only enjoyable, but also has many benefits, including increased creativity, improved performance, and a sense of meaning and purpose in life.

3. The conditions necessary for flow to occur. Csikszentmihalyi identifies several conditions that are necessary for flow to occur, including clear goals, immediate feedback, a balance between challenge and skill, and a sense of control over the activity.

4. The role of personality in flow. Csikszentmihalyi argues that certain personality traits, such as openness to experience and a willingness to take risks, are associated with a greater likelihood of experiencing flow.

5. The application of flow to various areas of life. Csikszentmihalyi explores how the concept of flow can be applied to various areas of life, including work, leisure, and relationships.

Overall, “Flow” is a fascinating book that explores the concept of flow and its many benefits. It provides practical strategies for achieving flow in various areas of life, and emphasizes the importance of finding activities that are challenging, meaningful, and enjoyable.

“Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World”

is a book written by Cal Newport, a computer science professor and productivity expert. The book explores the concept of deep work, which is the ability to focus without distraction on a cognitively demanding task. Some of the key points from the book include:

1. The importance of deep work in achieving success. Newport argues that deep work is becoming increasingly rare in today’s world of constant distraction, but that it is essential for achieving high levels of productivity and creativity.

2. The different types of deep work, including monastic deep work (where one completely isolates oneself from distractions) and bimodal deep work (where one alternates between periods of deep work and periods of rest and relaxation).

3. The benefits of deep work, including improved productivity, creativity, and job satisfaction.

4. The obstacles to deep work, including social media, email, and other forms of distraction. Newport provides strategies for overcoming these obstacles, such as setting strict boundaries on technology use and creating a distraction-free work environment.

5. The importance of deliberate practice in developing deep work skills. Newport argues that deep work is a skill that can be developed through deliberate practice, and provides practical strategies for improving one’s ability to focus and concentrate.

Overall, “Deep Work” is a thought-provoking book that explores the importance of deep work in achieving success and provides practical strategies for developing this skill. It emphasizes the need to create a distraction-free work environment and to prioritize deep work over shallow work (such as email and social media).

“Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action”

is a book written by Simon Sinek, a motivational speaker and leadership expert. The book explores the idea that great leaders and organizations start with a clear sense of purpose or “why.” Some of the key points from the book include:

1. The importance of starting with why. Sinek argues that great leaders and organizations start with a clear sense of purpose or “why,” which inspires and motivates others to take action.

2. The difference between “what” and “why.” Sinek explains that most organizations focus on what they do (such as selling products or providing services), but that the most successful organizations focus on why they do what they do (such as making a positive impact on the world).

3. The power of the “golden circle.” Sinek introduces the concept of the “golden circle,” which consists of three concentric circles: why, how, and what. He argues that starting with why (the innermost circle) is the key to inspiring others and achieving success.

4. The importance of authenticity and consistency. Sinek emphasizes the need for leaders and organizations to be authentic and consistent in their messaging and actions, in order to build trust and inspire others.

5. The role of storytelling in inspiring others. Sinek argues that storytelling is a powerful tool for communicating one’s purpose or “why,” and provides examples of how great leaders and organizations have used storytelling to inspire others.

Overall, “Start with Why” is a thought-provoking book that emphasizes the importance of starting with a clear sense of purpose or “why” in order to inspire and motivate others. It provides practical strategies for communicating one’s purpose and building trust and authenticity, and emphasizes the power of storytelling in achieving these goals.

55 Jordan Peterson Quotes

1. “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”

2. “If you aren’t moving forward in your life there is some idea, mode of action, or habit you’re so in love with you won’t let go of it.”

3. “The better ambitions have to do with the development of character and ability, rather than status and power. Status you can lose. You carry character with you wherever you go, and it allows you to prevail against adversity.”

4. “You’re not everything you could be, and you know it.”

5. “Self-love is the only antidote to the chaos of existence. And if you don’t love and care for yourself and your own needs, you will cause unnecessary suffering both for yourself and others.”

6. “Perhaps you are overvaluing what you don’t have and undervaluing what you do.”

7. “You must determine where you are going in your life, because you cannot get there unless you move in that direction. Random wandering will not move you forward. It will instead disappoint and frustrate you and make you anxious and unhappy and hard to get along with (and then resentful, and then vengeful, and then worse).”

8. “Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).”

9. “You should be better than you are, but it’s not because you’re worse than other people. It’s because you’re not everything you should be.”

10. “To learn is to die voluntarily and be born again, in great ways and small.”

11. “Don’t be a slave to stupid rules.”

12. “When you are visited by chaos and swallowed up; when nature curses you or someone you love with illness; or when tyranny rends asunder something of value that you have built, it is salutary to know the rest of the story. All of that misfortune is only the bitter half of the tale of existence, without taking note of the heroic element of redemption or the nobility of the human spirit requiring a certain responsibility to shoulder. We ignore that addition to the story at our peril, because life is so difficult that losing sight of the heroic part of existence could cost us everything.”

13. “Don’t underestimate the power of vision and direction. These are irresistible forces, able to transform what might appear to be unconquerable obstacles into traversable pathways and expanding opportunities. Strengthen the individual. Start with yourself. Take care with yourself. Define who you are. Refine your personality. Choose your destination and articulate your Being. As the great nineteenth-century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche so brilliantly noted, ‘He whose life has a why can bear almost any how.’”

14. “Face the demands of life voluntarily. Respond to a challenge, instead of bracing for catastrophe.”

15. “You can do an awful lot by writing down what happened to you and thinking it through.”

16. “If you don’t stand your ground, then all that happens is people push you backwards. And they will push you, and push you, and push you, until you fall off a cliff.”

17. “If you fulfill your obligations every day you don’t need to worry about the future.”

18. “Truth, virtue, and courage are not necessarily enough, but they are our best bet.”

19. “So, listen, to yourself and to those with whom you are speaking. Your wisdom then consists not of the knowledge you already have, but the continual search for knowledge, which is the highest form of wisdom.”

20. “You need to consider the future And think, ‘What might my life look like if I were caring for myself properly?’”

21. “To stand up straight with your shoulders back is to accept the terrible responsibility of life, with eyes wide open. It means deciding to voluntarily transform the chaos of potential into the realities of habitable order. It means adopting the burden of self-conscious vulnerability, and accepting the end of the unconscious paradise of childhood, where finitude and mortality are only dimly comprehended. It means willingly undertaking the sacrifices necessary to generate a productive and meaningful reality (it means acting to please God, in the ancient language).”

22. “The successful among us delay gratification and bargain with the future.”

23. “You cannot be protected from the things that frighten you and hurt you, but if you identify with the part of your being that is responsible for transformation, then you are always the equal, or more than the equal of the things that frighten you.”

24. “It took untold generations to get you where you are. A little gratitude might be in order. If you’re going to insist on bending the world to your way, you better have your reasons.”

25. “Can you imagine yourself in 10 years if instead of avoiding the things you know you should do, you actually did them every single day—that’s powerful.”

26. “The light that you discover in your life is proportionate to the amount of the darkness you are willing to forthrightly confront.”

27. “The way that you make people resilient is by voluntarily exposing them to things that they are afraid of and that makes them uncomfortable.”

28. “It is much better to make friends with what you do not know than with what you do know, as there is an infinite supply of the former but a finite stock of the latter.”

29. “When you have something to say, silence is a lie.”

30. “Once someone has spent enough time cultivating bad habits and biding their time, they are much diminished. Much of what they could have been has dissipated.”

31. “And if you think tough men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of.”

32. “Adopt responsibility for your own well-being, try to put your family together, try to serve your community, try to seek for eternal truth. That’s the sort of thing that can ground you in your life, enough so that you can withstand the difficulty of life.”

33. “The secret to your existence is right in front of you. And it manifests itself as all those things you know you should do but you’re avoiding.”

34. “Truth is the handmaiden of love.”

35. “If your life is not what it could be, try telling the truth. If you cling desperately to an ideology or wallow in nihilism, try telling the truth. If you feel weak and rejected, and desperate, and confused, try telling the truth. In Paradise, everyone speaks the truth. That is what makes it Paradise. Tell the truth. Or, at least, don’t lie.”

36. “It’s better to do something badly than to not do it at all.”

37. “Always place your becoming above your current being.”

38. “It’s in responsibility that most people find the meaning that sustains them through life. It’s not in happiness. It’s not in impulsive pleasure.”

39. “You should be careful, therefore, to live your life fully, and marriage and children and grandchildren, and all the trouble and heartbreak that accompanies all of that, is much of what life has to offer. Miss it at your great peril.”

40. “The truth is something that burns, it burns off deadwood and people don’t like having their deadwood burnt off often because they’re 95 percent deadwood.”

41. “If you can’t understand why someone is doing something, look at the consequences of their actions, whatever they might be, and then infer the motivations from their consequences.”

42. “When you have something to say, silence is a lie.”

43. “I believe that the good that people do, small though it may appear, has more to do with the good that manifests broadly in the world than people think, and I believe the same about evil. We are each more responsible for the state of the world than we believe, or would feel comfortable believing.”

44. “Love is the desire to see unnecessary suffering ameliorated.”

45. “You can only find out what you actually believe (rather than what you think you believe) by watching how you act. You simply don’t know what you believe, before that. You are too complex to understand yourself.”

46. “You should take care of, help, and be good to yourself the same way you would take care of, help, and be good to someone you loved and valued.”

47. “Work as hard as you possibly can on at least one thing and see what happens.”

48. “If you’re going to be successful you need to be smart, conscientious, and tough.”

49. “The purpose of life is finding the largest burden that you can bear and bearing it.”

50. “Notice that opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated.”

51. “Ideologies are substitutes for true knowledge, and ideologues are always dangerous when they come to power, because a simple-minded I-know-it-all approach is no match for the complexity of existence.”

52. “To suffer terribly and to know yourself as the cause: that is Hell.”

53. “If you are not willing to be a fool, you can’t become a master.”

54. “In order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.”

55. “If you cannot bring peace to your own household, how dare you try and rule a city?” 

Balancing motivation & acceptance

Being intentional with your personal growth with gentleness and ease. Finding that center where all life and energy spings from voluntarily. Moving from this center so that our decisions are guided by a power greater than our thinking. Through virtues and practice of humility and trust, we may go through our days with persistent power.

Two opposing thoughts are going on that you might find familiar:

1. “You are ok just the way you are and you will grow as nature intended you to.”

2. “You are motivated to be the version of yourself you desire to be and consciously trekking toward its attainment.”

Number one is acceptance and number two is motivation. Leaning towards either side causes imbalance. Too much acceptance, you will be stagnant, too much motivation you will lose out of touch with what is truly important.

Much like climbing the stairs and riding the bicycle. Sitting still will get you nowhere, moving too fast you’ll end up falling. The key is to find the middle way. In Buddhism the middle way is the understanding f practical life, avoiding the extremes of self denial and self indulgence.

Suzuki expressed it best

Each one of you is perfect the way you are … and you can use a little improvement.

– Shinryu Suzuki

Know your healthy pace

Identify your goals and daily actions towards it. All worthwhile journeys are made of simple specific actions directed to a noble cause. How many of these specific actions can you perform daily without burning out? The beautiful and liberating thing here is you will be the one designing this commitment to forming a certain habit. A healthy pace would be feeling good as you undergo the task. With the right amount of challenge keeping you on the edge but not falling off. Another key aspect of a healthy pace is you feel good about it and at the same time you also have time and attention to listen and learn from others. Key things to remember in knowing your healthy pace;

You can’t do traditional work at a modern pace. Traditional work has traditional rhythms. You need calm. You can be busy, but you must remain calm.

Bill Buford, Heat: An Amateur’s Adventures as Kitchen Slave,

Dig deeper to find the cause of what motivates you

Knowing what motivates you gets you through when initial motivation runs out. Motivation easily wears off and our pursuit turns dull and boring and we end up quitting. If we constantly remind ourselves with “why” we are motivated, then we will runs n energy greater than us. It is the nobility of our goal and the grander scheme will then move through us. So tap into that “why”. You maybe on the verge of resenting the pursuit of an organized countertop, but if you go back to your “why”; “I’m doing this because I am committed to the type of person who has an organized and clean countertop and this is a starting point of how my day will be and my days are what make my months and my months will make my year” So with just a slight shift in perspective you will have then created the direction of your future simply by reminding yourself of your why.

two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it.”

– Simon Sinek, Start with Why: How Great Leaders 

Use motivation to ignite, use persistence to be consistent

Motivation is key to get you up and running, but that excitement dies down easily. Remember when you were excited on taking up a craft, then after a couple of sessions, you have grown tired of it? Take a deeper look into your intentions on why you decided to take up this activity? Maybe it is not that you are not into pottery; maybe you are into using your hands. Knowing this fact about you will be helpful in committing to your next steps. Use motivation to show up, stay persistent on searching until you hit that spot where you can say to yourself “ahhh, this feels right”. Keep on showing up, collect knowledge, pivot as needed, subtract the non essentials.

“As long as we are persistent in our pursuit of our deepest destiny, we will continue to grow. We cannot choose the day or time when we will fully bloom. It happens in its own time.”

– Denis Waitley

You are still on track even if you stop doing

I bet you have heard of the phrase “doing by non doing” and “effortless effort”. These aphorisms may seem contradictory but they stood the test of time because they are true. Be ok with stopping, this is the time to asses and reflect on your energy expenditure. Are you getting results you wanted? Are you just running on inertia and experiencing diminishing returns.

Always remember that goalposts move and change as you gain experience. What served you yesterday might not serve you today. Stop, reflect, plan and deploy.

Getting complacent with a routine is a trap. Stop and think of ways on how to improve your systems and frameworks if things get too easy and you tend to drift from being engaged in what you are doing.

There is no perfectly correct way of doing things. Stop strictly fitting yourself in a mold, only you know what works for you. In stopping, you get to continuously design your path fit for the ever changing you.

In stopping, you take a break from deep focus and shift to expanded focus. Notice things and concepts outside of your plans and aspirations and become aware of the bigger existence of all humans and the planet. How aligned or miss aligned are your perceptions.

The highest virtue does nothing. Yet, nothing needs to be done. The lowest virtue does everything. Yet, much remains to be done.“

– The Dao

Build and sustain centeredness

Stay centered through habitual morning practice. Prime yourself and visualize optimal performance. Make your commitments and agreements with self in your morning practice. An example would be “Today I won’t judge and criticize”, “Today I will remain in this tranquil space despite unfavorable circumstances knowing that it being unfavorable is only my opinion”, “I will have a good relationship with the thoughts that my mind produces for I know they are ever changing”. With these in the center of your being, may you stay undisturbed and at peace. Sustain this peace as you move through segments of your day. It’s all just slight effort moving from this to that and here to there. Imagine people in the park in China town doing Tai chi, that’s you going about your day. Gentle, centered, alert and prepared.

THE secret of life, of abundant life, with its strength, its felicity, and its unbroken peace is to find the Divine Centre within oneself, and to live in and from that, instead of in that outer circumference of disturbances — the clamours, cravings, and argumentations which make up the animal and intellectual man. These selfish elements constitute the mere husks of life, and must be thrown away by him who would penetrate to the Central Heart of things — to Life itself.

– James Allen

Keypoints

We both need to be accepting of what we are right now and motivated in developing in certain ways.

Maintain centeredness so we don’t break down as we pursue our goals. We often times get obsessed with our goals and forget that it is inner nobility that counts rather than outward glory.

Stopping to re-evaluate our causes and effects. Adjusting our efforts and day to day key actions that yield desired results.

Ask what things am I accepting and what things am I working towards.

Hope you found value in today’s entry

Center through breathing

Strengthen through grounding

Refine aim in silence and in communication with the most high

Diligence, watch fulness, energy and effort may be upon you today

Unwavering rectitude, Unselfish Performance of Duty, Unlimited Forgiveness

– Namaste 🙏

Positivity habits you can do Anytime of day for balance & ease

It has been said many times that it is not the “thing” but how we see them. But why do we always fall victim to the mind’s fearful stories that make us anxious? You might be surprised by the simplicity of the answers and practices that will create clarity and bring skillful discernment of things around us. It is enough quality sleep, balanced nutrition, human connection and movement.

Paul Check also simplified this approach with his four doctors you’ll ever need, Dr. Diet, Dr. Quiet, Dr. Happiness & Dr. movement. These are your foundation for having a balanced we’ll being and not fall into the trap of the ego. Imagine your days as a game you play. You need preparation and conditioning before showing up daily much like participating in a sporting match. Prepare by having proper sleep, eating healthy foods, having human connection and strenuous exercise. Having this done early in the morning, you are now able to apply these mind tools that will help you become more positive any time of the day you sense that you are being attacked by anxiety, fear or worry.

Recenter by saying: Now I am………

As you go about your day your mind might ruminate on a thing that is about to happen or a thing that it thinks should happen. When you sense that your world is getting limited, rigid and constraint bring yourself to center by saying “Now I am……. “ Followed by the thing you are doing at the moment. It might be brushing your teeth, walking down the street or washing dishes. This phrase powerfuly brings all of the attention to the present liberation you from the entangling complexities that the mind presents. We realize that now you are just a person being this, nothing more, nothing to be afraid of, nothing to fix, just this, folding the clothes, no more added opinions.

Make this an hourly habit, Now I am this….. Maybe just a human being at peace with all things. From this space we can redirect our attention to something positive. Just to experience life, the infinite intelligence happening as you. That is enough to be joyful of. Start here, and always make it a point to comeback here if you entangled yourself far from your center.

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. ”

– Mark Twain

Slow down

Our brains run on an average of 2100 thoughts per second if we try to analyze, deal and tend to each one of them, this will be the cause of unnecessary stress and anxiety. Imagine our brains as receptors of signals, it is so majestic that it receives a variety of ideas and insights but our awareness need not to ride each train that passes by. It is just impossible. You can slow the pace of your thought receiving brain by simply observing and being non attached to them. The cycles of your brain will lower if you sit still and let things be, entertaining your thoughts produces more thoughts leading to never ending questions and complexity. Take a deep breath, watch the mind, observe, don’t react. This is how you slow down.

Here are the brain wave states. We mostly function on beta throughout the day, but we can slow things down and get to theta for balance & ease.

Gamma (γ)>35 HzConcentration
Beta (β)12–35 HzAnxiety dominant, active, external attention, relaxed
Alpha (α)8–12 HzVery relaxed, passive attention
Theta (θ)4–8 HzDeeply relaxed, inward focused
Delta (δ)0.5–4 HzSleep

Reduce distractions

Watch where you spend your time. We often get caught getting pulled in different directions. We are spread thin with multiple goals and impulses. Let go of the activities that don’t bring you closer to your goal. Lessen the time thinking of things that bother you. It is often our misguided opinions, judgements and criticisms that drains us of our precious energy. If a negative impulse or thought arises and is moose’s itself unto you, be bothered for 1 minute and let it go. Stay undistracted by internalizing your ideal self. Envision yourself being loving, tranquil, joyful and accepting. Deliberately choose to not be distracted. Be committed to where your aim is at. What ever you aim at, the world configures itself according to that specific aim. What you notice expands. Notice the good, meditate on your primary aim, be undistracted.

“We can cope with uncomfortable internal triggers by reflecting on, rather than reacting to, our discomfort. We can reimagine the task we’re trying to accomplish by looking for the fun in it and focusing on it more intensely. Finally, and most important, we can change the way we see ourselves to get rid of self-limiting beliefs.”

– Nir Eyal

See good in everything

There is always the other side of the story. We see things not for what they are but for what we are. It depends on through what lens we see the situation. In this practice we can totally let go of how you perceive a situation and see it from a place of equanimity. You might think you are being harmed or offended, but nothing can really harm but our own minds untrained to see other sides of the story. This skill of seeing things from the birds eye view will save you a lot of unnecessary pain. In seeing the good in everything, you draw in more good things to your hemisphere, your domain, your frequency. Remember that what you focus on expands? Make a choice of expanding what is good in your situation right now. Reach for the next best feeling thought and watch it grow and blossom to fruits of goodness that you and others will enjoy. If you can breathe right now, you doin pretty good.

“When you focus on being the best person you can be, you draw the best possible life, love, and opportunities to you.”

– Germany Kent

Bless your blessings

Make gratitude your default attitude. Bless your triumphs, your adversities and setbacks. Acknowledge the person you became up to this point in time. Make use of the gifts and inspirations that you embody. Know that you have all that you ever need to take that next step in your journey. You are blessed with all of the things you’ll ever need. You can read, you can breathe, you can move your limbs, you can light someone up, you can put things together. Through openness and a little courage, we open ourselves up to more blessings. Honor the higher power, the intelligence greater than you, the one true source of all, surrender all of your fears and questions and watch your blessings grow. In priming our minds with gratitude, the brain acts as if it already has, as a result the subconscious directs more of the things you are blessed with your way.

“This is a wonderful day. I have never seen this one before.”

– Maya Angelou

Prioritize calmness

We often take for granted the importance of calmness. Let go of the addiction to thinking and busyness. The real deal in life reveal themselves after the storms of the mind have settled. In prioritizing calmness, we establish space from anything that can throw you off balance. Build your foundation of calm first before engaging in any outward activity. Making a commitment to calmness despite changes. When we are in a sustained calm state, we are open to see more beauty around us.

Start by having a quiet time alone, often times we start the day rushing to do things. This is voluntarily running towards imbalance. Establish your calm first, maybe some affirmations like “I’m eternal, immortal, universal & infinite” or “This is my day, I accept complete responsibility for my life for I know that I am power” or “Out of this day only good will come, All is well & I am safe”. Carry on these feelings as you go through each task of the day making calm your priority and the center of your being.

“Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together.”

– Thomas Carlyle

You are not your story

Create your ideal self by regularly shedding bits and pieces of yourself that don’t help you get to the future self you desire. Your story keeps on changing as you change and learn daily. You are not your story means there is no need to attach to or repeat habits and actions you did yesterday. Reflect each morning on where you want to go within the short term & long term. Study your actions and keep other people’s input from a distance. Create your story daily, open to new things and course correcting. You are not your story, thoughts and actions. Know truth by sitting still and observing. Know the bigness of your being, you are all things, in this knowingness you return to balance and ease. Let go of stories, narratives and expectation remember; nothing is what it seems. Give it space….. then let it be.

“People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds. It is something one creates.”

– Thomas Szasz

Question everything

If something bothersome arises, be quick in noticing so you can nip it in the bud. Awareness is key, through questioning; pausing before reacting, we create space where in we get to fully understand before imposing any action that may worsen the scenario. Reflect on what things that I do everyday that are making things worse? Change the simple daily things you do to always redirect your movement towards your ideal.

Sometimes just stopping and accepting returns our emotions back to balance and ease. See as the bird would, from above. See the whole picture with many participants and preferences involved. Remember that we are functioning most of our days on the intellectual part of the brain which is very limited. It just keeps on dissecting, cutting, asking, avoiding and imposing. Peace and balance is found when we do not engage in these characteristics of the intellect. Just know that the mind is naturally hard wired this way and there is no need for you to act on it and fix it immediately.

Ask; is it true? Is it absolutely true? Who would I be without this thought?

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.”

– Byron Katie

Go back to your why

Whenever feeling lost in the complexities of your day. Go back to your why. What is the bigger purpose of why you are engaged in your present task. An example would be, “Im in the grocery store and this is such an annoying task”. If you go back to the bigger “why” of the reason behind you are there is “Im in the grocery store because I’m taking charge of the nourishment of my family and myself”. This thought will immediately bring you to center and will get the job done with purpose. Doing things backed with an honorable mission is easier than going through a task hurriedly and gruntingly.

Another thing I like doing is appreciating the transitions, from the grocery to the car, loading and unloading the items, our lives are made up of these moments that are not any different from special events we look forward to like an extravagant vacation or a holiday.

Keep your mission vision intact and close to heart and mind. Your work is important and needed in the world although it may not appear so.

Going back to your why reveals to you a big vision resulting to more energy to accomplish.

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Notice Nature

Make time to look up to the sky. Let yourself be absorbed by the vastness of it. Notice the patterns on the rocks, the sidewalk, the graffiti. Notice the unnoticeable, the spaces between the leaves, the dirt beneath you, the orb like sparkles on the water. Nature is our greatest teacher. We are of it. Feel this connection through grounding and maybe surrender your questions to the trees. Shinrin yoku is the Japanese term for forest bathing. Take a walk along the trail and breathe in clean fresh rejuvenating air. This is guaranteed to bring you back to center and balance.

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

– Alexandra Domelle

Conclusion

Balance and ease can be achieved anytime of day. It is best to prime ourselves in the morning. Make calmness a priority, make our dedication to our highest good unwavering. Notice nature to remind us that all is well and there is infinite well of good from within. How will you be handling your day to day?

Simple practices that you can do right now to get you back on track Towards your Ideal Self

It is the simple things that we do consistently and persistently that bring us compounding effects. Why not make these simple commitments on a daily basis and chart your progress. We can grow in areas of our lives that we choose to focus on, committing and continuous evaluation and course correction is really powerful.

Take an honest look at where you are

Each day we can get closer to the version of ourselves that we intend. But we must know where we are going and where we are at. Sometimes we get distracted by unimportant tasks because being busy feels good and taking an honest look at where we are and where we sincerely want to go makes us uncomfortable. Be strategic and try to see things for the next 10 years vs for the next 10 days. Be comfortable in listening to your true desires. Forget about what other people think or even your own expectations. Sit still and really ask this important question; what do I ultimately desire in my life? Create the necessary tweaks and simple practices that change the trajectory of your life, leading you to your truer goal. Optimize for your future self 10 years from now. Progress may not be evident in the short run but keep your daily check ins and log your small wins and see where you can go in a month, quarter, year and 10 years.

Muster up the courage to really look at where you are, are you aligned with your long term goal? What actions are you going to do today that leads to your long term goal? Stay open and flexible, clear and determined, never indifferent. Remember that there is a version of yourself you have yet to meet. A wiser, richer, more loving, stronger and better in whatever aspect you choose to be. What does truly matter to you? Maybe it is simple, maybe it is audacious, one thing is for sure, you have to get on it.

“The bigger the vision, the better the decisions”

– Dan Sullivan

See it in your mind, hold it in your hand

If you can desire it, you are bound to have it. But what is stopping most of us? It is our unconscious bias. We might believe that we are capable of amazing things and get excited about it but our unconscious bias kicks in. We might have been programmed when we were young that some things are impossible or we are incapable. We can counter this programming by affirmations, repeated statements of the truth what we want to become. We continuously create our lives day to day through what we believe ourselves to be. Henry ford said; whether you think you can or you can’t, you are right. Emerson also said; “There’s nothing capricious in nature, and the implanting of a desire indicates that its gratification is in the constitution of the creature that feels it.” So strengthen your positive inner self talk. Be your own motivational coach and accountability buddy. Be not afraid or intimidated by your own capability. Own it, embody it and claim it.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” 

– Maria Robinson

Exclude all nonsense

This is raising your floor, raising your standards. Let go of activities and thoughts that take up real estate in your head. In mindfulness meditation, ask what are thoughts that are taking up your time that yields no benefit and takes you farther from your goal? Let go of non essentials. From time to time stop for 60 seconds and be aware of where you are hanging out mentally, are you intentionally distracting yourself? Maybe take a deep breath and return to center and redirect the focus on what really matters in this moment. Batch for flow, avoid switching tasks often. It is tempting to do everything all at once but it in reality it slows us down rather than what we think on the surface level. Bypassing the immediate urge to act on an impulse helps a lot too. Stay focused on what you decided upon, get pulled by your future self rather than being pulled back by your past self. Do less but with better quality. Through the power of stillness and intention, we can rise above the chaos and will be able to decide which things can be let go.

“Only as high as I reach can I grow; only as far as I seek can I go; only as deep as I look can I see; only as much as I dream can I be.” – 

– Karen Ravin

The actor’s technique

Act as if you are the person of your ideal. As within so without, as above so below. Stanislavsky’s modern acting technique involves asking one’s self these questions to prepare for a role. Who am I?, Where am I?, When is it?, What do I want?, Why do I want it?, How will I get it?, What do I need to overcome? Each day we have the opportunity to create and recreate ourselves. We are the stars of our own motion picture so make time to prepare for your role each day by asking these questions.

In stillness you can mentally rehearse, rile up yourself to feel about your ideal self. This creates your being. Sustain this feeling of being your ideal. Listen to the voice of your ideal. Change your internal, and observe your external. Make it a discipline to not leave your meditative state until you feel your best.

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

– Socrates

Feel the fear and do it anyway

This phrase is a book title by Susan Jeffers. One of the many insights from the book is to not put any type of power outside of one’s self. To be always centered. The moment we put power outside ourselves is the start of imbalance. Take charge of everything that happens to us. Accountability, responsibility and foresight will save us a lot of pain and repeated mistakes.

Fear is false evidence appearing real, if something is hindering you from your goals, take a deep breath, feel the fear and do it anyway. We will fail for sure, but we will fail in the right direction and coming back wiser and more capable. Everything we desire and what we could be is on the other side of fear. We know this and hear this all the time but when do we really intentionally face fear head on? Make it a deliberate practice to face something that you fear daily and you’ll find that it really is not as big of a deal as the mind puts it out to be. The mind tends to inflate and exaggerate everything leaving us paralyzed in indecision, shake it up by jumping in, getting in the flow and engaging rather than ruminating. Clarity comes in engagement.

Through inquiries like; what are my unconscious thoughts that are making me fearful? We get to control and choose our behavior either to give up or worrier up. That up is up to you!

“Taking responsibility means never blaming anyone else for anything you are being, doing, having, or feeling.”

– Susan Jeffers

Act. Observe. Course correct.

As we stay focused and centered, commuted to the version of our selves we ought to be. We are going to be dynamic, moving through our days with confidence. As we deploy actions and plans make sure we observe and evaluate our results each day and take note of new discoveries and knowings that we may apply next. Always remember, everything is in motion and subject to change, so find that sweet spot between flexibility and being focused. Think of the Inertial navigation systems by aircrafts, it works by using accelerometers and gyroscopes to calculate position, velocity, and other elements of movement. As the aircraft continues to travel along its path, the INS device will continuously calculate and update all the motion elements via information received from motion sensors. Your sensors are how you feel about your progress and your destination, and how you feel about them can be maneuvered through intentional thinking, affirmations, reflection and commitment.

“When a heart has set a course, let it navigate the laughter in failure and generosity in overcoming crisis. Love weaves lives and distills.”

– James Emlund

Strengthen positivity bias

The mind is wired to see what’s lacking. Our ego’s never run out of demands. Through simple awareness and intention, we can shift the mind’s negative tendencies. Give everything spaciousness. Before reacting, make time to turn things around towards a much more positive response. As we do this more often, we can train ourselves to become more positive. Aside from spaciousness another obvious tool for positivity is gratitude. Make time to affirm what you are grateful for, make it specific. You can do it anytime, name three things that you are grateful for, it can be as simple as clean water, a bed and a home. Make this habit multiple times a day, maybe set a timer that each and every three hours you practice gratitude. It is easy when our vibe and emotions are in neutral or equanimity. Let us not wait when we are in an anxious situation before doing something about it. Stack your positivity, pray and increase faith so that no external variable can penetrate your peace. Nothing is good or bad. Thinking makes it so. Think on good, blessed, amazing things.

“This is the essence of the Rebbe’s Positivity Bias: To believe in God’s ultimate goodness, to know that blessings await us beneath the surface of our experience, no matter how bleak, to actively seek those blessings out, and to spread their light to the world beyond.”

– Mendel Kalmelson

Savor for 30 seconds

Spaciousness, moments of gratitude, mindful awareness, these are your tools for equanimity and returning to your center. Savoring for 30 seconds is one of my favorites. Appreciate where, who and what you are for 30 seconds and bring ease to the heart. Ungrip the tension in the muscles and shoulders, get back in flow rejuvenated and engage in relaxed, effortless effort. Understand impermanence, our pain comes from resisting change. Be in flow with the ever changing world inside and outside of you. Our cells rejuvenates at a rate of millions per second. You are changing as you read this. Let’s open to this impermanence, be ok with it and grow and flow with it. It is the whole essence of life isn’t it? Savor the breaths, savor the change, savor your freedom.

“When we hygger, we frame the moment, give it our full attention, savour and hold it, in an awareness that the moment will pass. 
We feel how one moment becomes layered on to the next; past and present mingled together – everything falling into place, into one accord.”

– Louisa Thomsen Brits, The Book of Hygge: The Danish Art of Living Well

Afterthoughts

Simple practices yield compounding results. Be clear and dedicated to these blueprints that we have discussed. Pick ones that resonate, these are simple concepts of mindfulness, gratitude and commitment. What is your favorite tool? What and how are you going to integrate it to your day to day? Any bold actions? Any new curiosities? Any morning practices? Feel free to share.

Reality Check; It is never What you think it is

We all trip over and fall down every once in a while. It happens to us unexpectedly and after a certain time we come back stronger and smarter. If we look back on the causes of these trials, most often than not it is because of our choices. Things that happen externally that might appear unrelated to our way of being reveal their connection and oneness through lessons. All that happens to us is because of our way of being, perception of ourselves and the world. These prompts and insights are here to help you own your life, learn the lessons and avoid repeating them by understanding the basic principles of mind.

The intellect you cling to is limited

From the moment we wake up, most of us automatically jump into the role of who we were yesterday and prepared to repeat the same story. Joe Dispenza calls this the trap of the familiar past and the predictable future. The mind is comfortable with what it knows so it sticks to those two certain things. But your real freedom lies in the generous now. Now is where the birth of new ideas are, where the creation of your future self is, imagine a caterpillar birthing into a moth and Phoenix from ash. Empower your SELF over the mind by sitting still. Know the truth of your being and let the mind’s chatter be. Your mind is your intellect but it’s not intelligence. Intelligence is the one that moves and runs the universe, your intellect tries to understand how it works and is never satisfied with answers. Know the place of intellect, it is good with some things like planning and checking the bank balance and tuning the car up but that’s not the whole of what you are. You are awareness and divine intelligence, an expression of the divine, unique and never incorrect. We all just are in the process of life be lifing. So when presented with complexities by the mind; say thank you mind for your contributions but I’m sitting here for now, breathing and looking at the sky.

“Can you accept the notion that once you change your internal state, you don’t need the external world to provide you with a reason to feel joy, gratitude, appreciation, or any other elevated emotion?”

-Joe Dispenza

Get an alternate perspective

If the mind hooks you in with attractive demands such as; “you should do this and be like that or else it won’t be a good thing for me and others and you will fail”. Take a step back and observe this conversation of the mind and SELF. Sit still and be grounded, once again, thank your mind for its opinion but the real you, the SELF is complete in and of itself and do not need to fall prey to the minds demands. Try getting an alternate perspective, the one that feels gentler and kinder. The choice that promotes growth and nurturing. Lean in to what feels right not what the mind thinks is best. Feeling transcends understanding and is more powerful and creative. It is the Buddha and Christ in you. It is conscious awareness. In an alternate perspective you get to access “omniperception”. You get to understand what is best for the ocean, not just what’s good for a single drop. From time to time, take a step back and get an alternate perspective. Learn this habit and bring ease and harmony to your day to day.

“If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.”

– William Blake

Quit certainty cold turkey

Let go of always needing to know. The mind is never at ease even though all information is out there, there is always something it needs to know. Curiosity opens up new worlds and is the doorway to creativity but there is a difference between open inquiry and wanting things a certain way. If we always impose our preferences and beliefs into everything we encounter there will be no room for miracles. Try being comfortable with uncertainty. Try this mantra “I may have preferences but I really don’t mind what happens next”. Either it will or not won’t. This is neither a fortune nor a misfortune, it is just is. Try to quit our attachment to certainty and observe a lightness in the heart and your whole being.

“You want to know my secret? You see, I don’t mind what happens.”

– Jiddu Krishnamurti

Figure it out by observing not thinking

Sit still and be quite for a certain amount of time and there will be nothing that you can not know. Everything is divinely simple, there’s a spiritual answer and solution to everything. When bothered by complexity and indecision, take a moment to observe. Observe yourself being bothered, observe your physical self sitting and thinking of the problem. In this practice we get off our mental loops and get to see things for what they really are. You are awareness, not circumstances. Circumstances change and can not be controlled and it doesn’t have any power to disturb your peace unless you allow it. Always remember, things are mostly fine if we stop fiddling with it. Let most things be, let your loved ones be, let your natural well being be in balance, harmony, life affirming and giving. Brilliant insights come in observing and not judging, be sensitive to whispers from eternity.. They are subtle so quieten the intellect and be a mindful observer.

“Mother Nature is always speaking. She speaks in a language understood within the peaceful mind of the sincere observer. Leopards, cobras, monkeys, rivers and trees; they all served as my teachers when I lived as a wanderer in the Himalayan foothills.”

– Radhanath Swami

Be truly happy knowing that happiness is fleeting

The secret location of happiness is found in the abandonment for the need for it. Stop looking for happiness outside of you, what you have been looking for is what you already are. How many more shiny objects and promotions do you think you need? What ever you are looking for, let me stop you right there. You are already that. Yearn for inner joy, calm and tranquility than happiness that is instantly followed by despair. Be not attached nor afraid of anything…. Loss, change and disrepute. Stay in your equanimity and be above all the crash of breaking worlds. Here you are, sitting, smiling taking this journey gently, with ease and gratitude.

“You only want to be happy. All of your aspirations, no matter what they are, are a yearning for happiness. Basically, you wish yourself well…desire isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s life itself, the desire to expand one’s horizons of knowledge and experience. It is your decisions that are incorrect. To believe that something as insignificant as food, sex, power, or fame can make you happy is to deceive oneself. Only anything as big and profound as your true self can completely and permanently bring you joy.”

– Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Truth comes when you stop grappling with it

Imagine a pond of water, if you disturb it by swishing the water all around using a stick the water will turn muddy, unclear and unsettled. But leave it alone for a couple of hours and the sediments settle at the bottom and the water becomes sparkly and clear once again. The stick is our intellect trying to run hither and tither asking all sorts of nonsense, demanding this and that leaving us with a muddy perception of the truth. Stop disturbing the waters and we shall find truth. Truth of peace, love, clarity and abundance.

“All you need is a calm mind. Once your mind is tranquil, everything else will fall into place. Self-awareness affects mental changes in the same way as the rising light affects the environment. Inner energies awaken in the light of calm and steady self-awareness and create miracles without any effort on your behalf.”

– Nisargadatta Maharaj

The purpose of life is life itself

The million dollar question of the purpose of life. What is the purpose of life? It is life itself. It is all the courage and battles of your ancestors summed up in your DNA. You, being a divine spark of light from the cosmos entering your mums womb, hung out for 9 months and cried for air and has never stopped breathing. Your mission to lighten up the load of mankind and be a light to those in the dark. To leave things better than you find them. To become awake to everyday miracles. You digest sunlight and turn it to energy. You are constantly putting together pieces of your masterpiece. No matter how hard you search, you will be brought back to yourself. Be ok with life. It is pretty astounding to be here.

“Be a lamp unto yourself, make of yourself a light’ were the last words of the Buddha. no teacher or outside authority can give us the truth or take it away. in the end, we will find that our heart holds the simple wisdom and unshakable compassion that we have sought all along.”

– Jack Kornfield; After the Ecstasy, the Laundry: How the Heart Grows Wise on the Spiritual Path

Afterthoughts

You are done running around looking for answers and asking questions. Let go of the need to know. Practice silence and prayer. Nothing can bother you but your own mind untrained so become a master in letting a story go and shifting perspectives. Not immediately reacting is a beneficial tool to. Just smile, be at ease and know all is well.

– Namaste

Some people have a Fixed mindset, some have a growth mindset; Which one are you?

Do you think you stay the way you are all through out your life? Do you believe that your capabilities are predetermined and dependent on genetics? If so, you have a fixed mindset missing out on a lot of possibilities and potential manifestations laying dormant in your system.

It doesn’t need to be this way, the fact that you are reading this is a sign that you are curious in breaking free from having a fixed mindset. Let’s know more about these mindsets and get on towards actionable tips to apply in our day to day.

You are perfect the way you are … and could use a little improvement

This insight is from Shunryu Suzuki (Beginners Mind). This one has stuck with me for a long time now and comes quite handy in staying in the middle of being and becoming. Your improvement is what you are. Deepak Copra said to view life as a verb for we are always changing moment to moment through breath, thoughts, emotions and food. The thing to keep in mind is to how we are changing, is it towards the higher Good of ourselves and others? or to degradation, atrophy and indifference. Lean in to what inspires, it might be little and simple, but know that it is important.

We often catch ourselves saying “this thing is not for me, I’m not the type of person who does this, I could never accomplish that” these are fixed mindsets and can easily be shifted to “this is not the thing for me right now but I can give it a try and see how it feels, I’m not the type of person who does this but let me give it a try and see how it feels, I could never accomplish that but I can start with this simple small step right now.” Adding yet to a “not” statement is handy too.

Watch your thoughts all through out the day and catch your mind if you have an unconscious fixed habit that hinders you from trying something new.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed no hope at all.”

– Dale Carnegie

Becoming is your being

This insight is inspired by Carol Dweck (Mindset). She said, becoming is better than being but we can also view it as one and the same thing. You are gradually becoming even if no effort is applied. The life within us expresses its majesty even if you are just sitting doing nothing. We often get wrapped up in what is needed to be done and finished but as Alan Watts said, the music is enjoyed not per note and not just the final bang. Be gentle in your gradual becoming, take on the pace of nature. Gentle, secure, grounded & correct in all aspects. Enjoy your moment to moment arrival always at an interesting place. That’s all there is, we just are always in an interesting place and the next small step is up to you. Make that step one of effortless effort.

“The Universe contains three things that cannot be destroyed; Being, Awareness and LOVE”

– Deepak Chopra

Do you embrace challenges?

Make a habit of seeking challenge, in seeking challenge, we grow and widen our domain of familiarity. We create new neural connections, we create paths of opportunities. I always keep in mind and have practiced that if I deliberately challenge myself first thing in the morning, the rest of the day is easy. It can be something physical or something mentally challenging like creating something. Befriend challenges and discover a better version of yourself.

“Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew.”

– Cicely Tyson

Do you accept and learn from criticism?

This might seem simplistic but this time let’s be more intentional about this. Accepting criticism is hard because the ego only listens to praise and self aggrandizement. In our self actualization journey, knowing the difference between your ego and your real self is key to mastery. Nurture the part of you that is open to listen and change; that is your real self. The one that can’t accept criticisms is your ego, and in refusing to change, learn and grow it inflicts pain. We have discussed in earlier posts that when we believe the separateness of ego, it only hurts us. So from time to time, ask yourself (What is this situation trying to teaching me?)

“The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”

– Norman Vincent Peale

Are you more clever than bewildered?

We were all once a kid, remember your curiosities when you were 7? We must not lose this sense of bewilderment. In mindful noticing of things around, you will find yourself flabbergasted with awe only if you take the time to look closely with curious appreciation. Look at a leaf, a rock and a tree, watch cars and trains pass by, breathe and observe the sparkles of the sun on the water. Imagine outer space, imagine time before and after you are here, isn’t it too amazing? Here’s a fact to be bewildered upon; “There are more patterns of connections between neurons in your brain than there are sub atomic particles in the universe” look up the work of Gerald Edelman. We often times get clever and assume that our way of thinking is the only way and we end up taking for granted possibilities.

So the next time you feel the urge to dismiss a certain situation or event. Approach it with new eyes. Everything can be experienced anew, even brushing your teeth.

“That’s the ruling story on this planet. We live suspended between Love & Ego”

– Richard Powers

Observe your attitude towards learning

Do you ever find yourself saying, “Oh he’s just a natural when it comes to basketball, I’m not”. Swap it with “He put a ton of time practicing to achieve that, I’m able to achieve that skill level if I put my time and effort on it.
Consume inspiring media and connect with people who encourage a growth mindset. Be mindful of your unconscious biases, once you identify them it will be the start of unstoppable growth.

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”

– Zig Ziglar

Learn about neuro plasticity

Learn about the the most amazing thing between your ears and what it is capable of. Click here if you wanna deep dive on this topic. Our brains, like our muscles are capable of changing to where your desires take you. If you want a brain with an immense capability for playing music, start practicing 1 song. You are moldable and ever changing. Just thinking of this brings a feeling of liberation. I used to not be able to touch my toes but now my padahastasana (yoga pose) rocks. So imagine what you could be, write out a simple plan and act on it daily for 66 days. It’s fun and you’ll discover parts of yourself you never knew existed.

“I was suitably impressed with the eighty-six billion neurons that glittered like stars in the skull but was a little overwhelmed by the idea that the constellations could be moved, shaped, and changed negatively and positively.”

– Jennifer Fraser

Practice makes permanent

What we practice gets easier and soon enough becomes automatic. Grow into the person who does the type of thing you desire through deliberate practice. Make walking around the block a permanent practice by doing it daily no matter the weather conditions may be. It is not enough to learn something; daily application is where compounding growth is. When the mind hints you to “skip it”, do a 5 second countdown and just do it anyway. You’ll thank yourself later. It is always best to track your progress and do a daily assessment in the evening on how you did that day.

“We don’t rise to the level of our expectations; we fall to the level of our training.”

– Archilochus

“ There are no shortcuts. It will take you at least a decade to achieve expertise, and you will need to invest that time wisely, by engaging in “deliberate” practice—practice that focuses on tasks beyond your current level of competence and comfort.”

Afterthoughts

Knowing the difference between having a growth mindset and a fixed mindset; where do you think you stand? In what ways are you having a fixed mindset and in what ways are you having a growth mindset? What possibilities do you imagine for yourself if you cultivate more growth mindedness?

8 ways To Awaken Right Now & Everyday; Know That Freedom is Right Where you are

Know what the cause of what makes you feel incomplete. Liberate yourself from what’s hindering you by knowing and practicing simple principles. Apply and sustain these 8 ways of li ing in your day to day and become more at peace with life.

Right View

“And what is right view? Knowing about suffering, the origin of suffering, the cessation of suffering, and the practice that leads to the cessation of suffering. This is called right view.”

Pali Canon

To practice right view, we need to let go of the concept of the world as fixed. View the world as constantly changing, imagine the seasons and the circle of life. In practicing right view, we won’t be attached to relative concepts that will inevitably change. Practicing right view also implies that everything is interconnected and a part of the whole. Make it a habit to check in moment to moment on how are you thinking right this moment. Are you perceiving a certain thing from a narrow lens? Can you widen your understanding regarding this situation? What am I resisting? What is preventing me from having a right view?

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

– Wayne Dyer

Right Intention

Apply the power of your mind to intend renunciation and surrender. Right intention means selfless detachment, putting your higher self first before the ego. We often times get caught up by the demands of the ego because it is louder, it is what we see on the external and it keeps on bugging us with its endless chatter. Let go of attachment to possessions and beliefs. Often times because of habit, we become addicted to the egos story. It doesn’t need to be this way. Disrupt this pattern by internally replying to the ego; “no thanks”. From time to time, ask; what are my intentions behind pushing forward with this specific thing? Why am I deliberately pouring energy towards it? Is it self serving? Am I aimed at the highest possible good besides my own? Are my intentions for the whole or for just a small part? Is this harming others?

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him, as the wheel follows the foot of the ox that draws the carriage. 
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.”

– Dhammapada

Right Speech

Yogic tradition has it that speech must pass before three barriers prior to being uttered aloud. These barriers come in the form of three questions: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? 

Your word is your wand, your word is law. Be mindful with our speech. If urging to speak but not one of benevolence, beauty, praise and usefulness it is best to practice “noble silence”. Abstain from lies and gossip and only speak of truth, noble and God like matters. Our speech is the next level of manifestation of our thought, it is more real in wave form as compared to thought. So we must be watchful of our speech.

“Be a light in the darkness. Speak healing ”

– Alex Kakuyo

Right Action

Make every action one of honorability, peacefulness and morality. In practicing the right view, intention, and speech, it will lead us to right action. Train ourselves in protecting and sustaining life around us. In treating everything around us as sacred, we will become more mindful in each act that we do. Maybe we consider segregating and recycling more thoroughly. Stop using plastic, these little things have a huge impact that we tend to underestimate.

“The practice of Right Action is a practice of faith, a faith that says what we do matters. We matter. And whether we’re refilling the coffee pot at work or speaking in front of a crowd of thousands, we have the power to change the world one small act at a time.”

– Alex Kakuyo

Right Livelihood

Integrate your talents that it may support the wellbeing of yourself, others and the planet. Maybe take a deeper look into the organization you are working for, is it ethically and morally aligned to your values? Is the organization harming animals and the planet? If so you might wanna shift to one that is working on positive change. There’s a lot of conscious companies out there that offer lots of opportunities.

“…Think of it as ‘Right Livelihood 2.0’… In addition to not causing harm to yourself or another, this is livelihood that is an expression of your Core Intention, work that you can fall in love with and that no longer feels like “work”: work that matters.”

– Maia Duerr

Right Effort

There are four aspects to right effort.

  • The effort to prevent unwholesome qualities from arising.
  • The effort to extinguish unwholesome qualities that already have risen.
  • The effort to cultivate skillful and wholesome qualities.
  • The effort to strengthen wholesome qualities that have already arisen.

In everything we do, keep in mind these four efforts. It is a very good tool to really look at how we are performing or serving our duty. Keeping our efforts wholesome with moment to moment check ins. As you go about the day and your work, keep an unwavering rectitude, unlimited forgiveness & unselfish performance of duty.

“By your own efforts waken yourself, watch yourself. And live joyfully.”

– Gautama Buddha

Right Mindfulness

Develop an accurate and precise awareness of the present moment with no opinions & judgements laid upon. Pay no attention to the filtered perceptions of the mind but it n the impermanence and interconnectedness of all things. That everything is subject to change, and a change in one thing causes others to change. See everything as an ever changing expression of the universe. Today may you have right mindfulness in thoughts, emotions and actions. We often get bummed by how others treat us, saying “they treat me this way causing me pain”; in right mindfulness ; “they treat me this way because that is how they are and it is ok”

 “When right mindfulness is developed and made much of, one realizes what one should do and should not do. Whether one should speak or not speak. When one speaks, what should be spoken and not spoken. Right mindfulness is the basis for the development of the right path that culminates in knowledge, wisdom, contentment and the highest happiness.” 

– Mithra Mettimury

Right Meditation

Right meditation or concentration means detaching from your sense perceptions. Have the mastery of not giving in to the immediate urges and impulses of the senses. With sustained and applied way of thinking, a certain joy will arise. A joy not coming from sensual pleasures, it comes from knowing, accepting and appreciating the way things are. Even this joy will subside and one enters equanimity, a state above pain and pleasure, sorrow and joy. In simply giving up our preferences, attachments and yearnings we liberate our selves from what we think we need to complete us. Sit still, give it time, and practice right meditation.

“You are not limited to this body, to this mind, or to this reality—you are a limitless ocean of Consciousness, imbued with infinite potential. You are existence itself.”

– Joseph Kauffman

Conclusion

We often feel constrained and being enslaved by our desired. Understand that there are many layers to your consciousness, you can easily rise above your torments simply by knowing that you are not your ego and its demands. You aren’t even your body or your persona, you are the whole of life and you can just watch from a safe place and appreciate it’s magnificence. Liberation can be attained where you are with these 8 practices. Make this your way of life and watch things around you change.

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