Today’s Teacher: Mary Oliver (1935 – 2019)
The Teaching
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
— Mary Oliver, “The Summer Day”
Who Was Mary Oliver?
Mary Oliver was an American poet who spent most of her life in relative obscurity, walking in the woods, paying close attention to small things—insects, flowers, the way light falls on water—and writing poems that transformed ordinary moments into invitations to live more fully.
She didn’t have a dramatic life story. She grew up in a difficult home in Ohio, found refuge in the woods and in poetry, and spent decades living quietly in Provincetown, Massachusetts with her partner Molly Malone Cook. She walked every day, notebook in hand, watching.
Her poetry wasn’t ornate or obscure. It was clear, accessible, and fiercely attentive. She wrote about the natural world not as backdrop but as teacher, about mortality not as abstraction but as daily companion, about how to live not theoretically but practically.
She won the Pulitzer Prize and National Book Award, but remained essentially private, devoted to her practice of attention. She believed that paying attention was the beginning of devotion, and devotion—to something beyond yourself—was how you answered the question of what to do with your life.
Mary Oliver didn’t tell you what to do with your life. She asked you—and then showed you how to listen for the answer.
Understanding the Wisdom
The Question, Not the Answer
Notice: Mary Oliver doesn’t say “Here’s what you should do with your life.”
She asks: “What is it you plan to do?”
This distinction matters.
Most advice about purpose gives you answers:
- “Follow your passion”
- “Find your why”
- “Do what you love”
- “Make a difference”
Oliver gives you a question. And the question assumes you’re the only one who can answer it.
Not “what should you do?” (external authority) But “what do you plan to do?” (your agency, your answer)
The wisdom isn’t in any particular path. It’s in taking the question seriously. In treating your life as something that deserves a plan, an intention, a conscious choice about how to spend it.
“Your One Wild and Precious Life”
These words do three things:
“Your one” — You get one. Singular. This is it. Not a dress rehearsal. Not unlimited chances to figure it out later. One life.
“Wild” — Not tame. Not controlled. Not perfectly planned. There’s something untamed, unpredictable, and vital about being alive. Don’t try to domesticate it completely. Let it be wild.
“Precious” — Valuable beyond measure. Not to be wasted. Not to be spent on what doesn’t matter. Precious means it deserves your full attention, your careful stewardship, your conscious choice.
Together, they create urgency without panic: This life matters. Treat it accordingly. Don’t sleepwalk through it. Choose consciously.
The Summer Day Context
Oliver wrote this question at the end of a poem called “The Summer Day.” The whole poem is worth knowing:
She describes spending a summer day doing nothing “productive”—just being idle in a field, watching a grasshopper. Paying close attention to how it moves, how it eats, how it’s completely itself.
Then, after this meditation on presence and attention, she asks:
“Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
The context matters: She’s not asking from a place of panic or productivity. She’s asking after a day of paying attention, after choosing presence over productivity, after treating an ordinary moment as worthy of her full devotion.
The question emerges from stillness, not striving.
How to Practice This Wisdom Today
1. Morning Question Sitting (15 minutes)
Start your day with Oliver’s question—not to answer it definitively, but to sit with it.
Find a quiet spot. Set a timer for 15 minutes.
Write at the top of a page: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Then write whatever comes. Don’t edit. Don’t make it sound good. Don’t try to have the “right” answer.
Possible prompts if you get stuck:
- If I knew I had exactly one year left, how would I spend it?
- What have I been postponing until “someday”?
- When do I feel most alive, most like myself?
- What would I do if I didn’t need money or approval?
- What do I care about that I’m not acting on?
You might discover:
- Things you thought mattered don’t anymore
- Things you’ve ignored actually matter deeply
- You already know the answer but haven’t admitted it
- You genuinely don’t know yet—and that’s okay
The practice isn’t finding the answer today. It’s taking the question seriously.
2. The Attention Practice (Throughout the Day)
Oliver’s wisdom: Before you can answer what to do with your life, you must practice paying attention to your life.
Today, practice noticing what’s actually alive in you:
When you feel energy, aliveness, engagement:
- STOP. Notice it. What are you doing? Who are you with? What matters here?
- Write it down: “I felt alive when…”
When you feel deadened, drained, going through motions:
- STOP. Notice it. What’s happening? What are you avoiding? What’s missing?
- Write it down: “I felt dead when…”
By end of day, you’ll have data:
- What brings you to life vs. what deadens you
- Where your actual energy goes vs. where you think it should go
- What you’re drawn to vs. what you’re obligated to
This is how you begin to answer Oliver’s question—not by thinking about it abstractly, but by paying attention to what’s actually happening in your life.
3. The Small Death Meditation (Midday Practice)
Oliver wrote constantly about mortality. Not morbidly, but as clarifying truth.
“Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?”
Pause midday and consider:
If this were your last year alive:
- What would you stop doing immediately?
- What would you start doing?
- What conversations would you have?
- What would you create or contribute?
- How would you spend your ordinary Tuesday?
This isn’t about panic. It’s about clarity.
Mortality isn’t a problem to solve—it’s the context that makes your choices matter. Your life is finite. That makes the question urgent and important.
Write down: “If I had one year left, I would…”
Then ask: “Why am I not doing that now?”
Often, the answer is: fear, social pressure, inertia, belief that you have unlimited time.
Oliver reminds you: You don’t have unlimited time. What does that change?
4. Evening Inventory: What Deserved Your Life Today? (20 minutes)
End your day by examining where your life actually went.
Write honestly:
Today, my life went to:
- Work tasks (list them)
- Relationships (which ones, doing what)
- Entertainment/distraction (what specifically)
- Worrying (about what)
- Other (what)
Looking at this list:
- What do I not regret spending my life on?
- What do I regret?
- What was obligation vs. choice?
- What brought me alive vs. what deadened me?
- If I lived every day like today, would that be a life well-lived?
Oliver’s question reframed: “Today, what did I actually do with my one wild and precious life?”
Tomorrow, what will I choose differently?
A Modern Application: The Mid-Career Transition
Let’s apply Oliver’s wisdom to something many people face: knowing your current path isn’t enough anymore, but not knowing what comes next.
The situation: You’re successful in your career. You’re good at what you do. But something’s missing. The work that once energized you now feels hollow. You’re going through motions. You know you need a change, but you don’t know to what. The question “what should I do with my life?” has returned—and it’s paralyzing.
The conventional approach:
What people usually do:
- Panic and stay stuck (“I should be grateful, what’s wrong with me?”)
- Make an impulsive change (“I’ll quit and travel/start a business/go back to school”)
- Research “top careers for career changers”
- Take personality tests hoping for answers
- Stay miserable while planning the perfect next move that never comes
What usually happens: Years pass. Nothing changes. Or you make a reactive change that doesn’t actually address the deeper question: What deserves your life?
The Mary Oliver approach:
Step 1 – Take the question seriously:
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Not “what should I do?” but “what do I actually want to do with this unrepeatable, finite, precious life?”
Sit with this. Don’t rush to answer.
Step 2 – Practice attention:
For one month, notice:
- When do I feel most alive at work? (might be rare, but when?)
- When do I feel dead? (probably often—when specifically?)
- What am I curious about that I’ve dismissed as impractical?
- What did I love doing before “career” became the frame?
- When do I lose track of time?
- What do I care about that I’m not acting on?
Keep a daily log. Patterns will emerge.
Step 3 – Small experiments:
Don’t quit your job. Don’t make big changes yet. Run small experiments:
- Volunteer in a field you’re curious about (two hours)
- Take a class in something unrelated to your career
- Have coffee with someone doing work that intrigues you
- Write, create, build something just for yourself
- Teach or mentor someone
- Try the thing you’ve been telling yourself you’re “not qualified for”
Notice: What brings you alive? What doesn’t?
Step 4 – Acknowledge mortality:
You have, generously, 30-40 years left. Probably less of truly vital, healthy, energetic years.
If you spend them the way you’re spending them now, will you look back satisfied?
This isn’t about panic. It’s about honesty.
Step 5 – Make one choice based on truth, not fear:
You probably already know something that’s true:
- You need more creative work
- You need to help people directly
- You need to learn new things
- You need more autonomy
- You need a different pace
- You need work connected to specific values
Make one choice this month based on that truth:
- Take on a project that uses your creativity
- Sign up for the class
- Have the conversation with your boss about what you need
- Start building the side thing
- Say no to something that deadens you
One choice. Based on what’s actually true for you, not what looks good or feels safe.
The outcome:
You might not have complete clarity yet. But you’re no longer stuck. You’re paying attention. You’re experimenting. You’re treating your life as precious enough to require conscious choices.
And that’s how you answer Oliver’s question—not all at once in a flash of insight, but gradually, through attention and small choices that honor what’s actually true for you.
The Deeper Philosophy
Attention as Devotion
Oliver wrote: “Attention is the beginning of devotion.”
She believed: Before you can devote your life to something, you must learn to pay attention—to the world, to yourself, to what’s actually calling you.
Most people don’t know what they want because they’re not paying attention.
They’re on autopilot. Following scripts. Doing what they “should.” Never stopping to notice what actually brings them alive.
Oliver’s practice: Walk in the woods. Watch the grasshopper. Pay attention to small things. Notice what captivates you. That’s the beginning of knowing what deserves your devotion.
Applied to your life:
- What captivates your attention naturally?
- What do you notice that others miss?
- What do you find yourself drawn to when you’re not “being productive”?
- What do you care about that you don’t talk about?
These aren’t random. These are clues to what deserves your life.
The Wild Part Matters
Oliver kept using the word “wild”—not as chaos, but as vitality, as the untamed life force that refuses to be completely domesticated by social expectations.
The wild part of your life is:
- What you want even though it’s not “practical”
- What you dream about but dismiss
- What you’re drawn to but can’t justify
- What your authentic self wants before socialization kicks in
Most people spend their lives ignoring the wild part, making everything tame, acceptable, explainable.
Oliver asks: What about the wild part? Doesn’t that deserve some of your life too?
The Question as Koan
In Zen Buddhism, a koan is a question without a logical answer—designed to break you out of rational mind and into direct experience.
Oliver’s question functions like a koan:
You can’t answer it once and be done. You answer it through how you live. Every day. In small choices.
“What will you do with your one wild and precious life?”
Today, you answer with how you spend your hours.
Tomorrow, you answer again.
The question never stops being relevant. The answer never stops evolving.
This is the practice: Living with the question, answering it through your choices, paying attention to whether your answers still feel true.
Your Practice for Today
Here’s your challenge based on Mary Oliver’s teaching:
Today, take her question seriously. Live with it. Let it reshape your day.
The Practice:
Morning: Spend 15 minutes writing: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Don’t pressure yourself for the “right” answer. Just write what’s true right now.
Throughout the day: Notice what brings you alive and what deadens you. Write it down.
Midday: Pause and consider: If this were my last year, what would I change? Why am I not changing it now?
One choice: Make one small choice today based on what actually matters to you, not what you “should” do:
- Say no to something that deadens you
- Say yes to something that enlivens you
- Spend 30 minutes on something you care about but usually postpone
- Have a conversation that matters
- Create something, even if it’s “pointless”
Evening: Review your day. Where did your life actually go? Would you choose the same tomorrow?
The question isn’t answered today. But today, you start taking it seriously.
And that’s how you begin: not with the perfect plan, but with honest attention to what’s actually true for you.
Essential Reading: Dive Deeper into Mary Oliver
If this teaching resonates with you, explore these books:
Primary Sources:
New and Selected Poems: Volume One by Mary Oliver
- Includes “The Summer Day” and other essential poems
- Spanning her early career
- Perfect introduction to her work
- Accessible, powerful, clarifying
Devotions: The Selected Poems by Mary Oliver
- More recent comprehensive collection
- Poems from across her career
- Organized thematically
- Beautiful physical book
Upstream: Selected Essays by Mary Oliver
- Oliver on writing, nature, attention, craft
- Prose as clear as her poetry
- Includes “Of Power and Time”—essential essay on how to live
- For those who want more than poetry
On Living with Purpose:
The Crossroads of Should and Must by Elle Luna
- Short, visual book on choosing “must” over “should”
- Perfectly complements Oliver’s question
- Beautiful, accessible, practical
- Quick read with lasting impact
Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer
- Listening for your vocation
- Attention as the path to purpose
- Written by Quaker educator
- Wise, gentle, profound
The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
- Reframing your life around possibility
- Practical exercises for seeing differently
- Orchestra conductor and psychotherapist collaboration
- Inspiring and practical
On Attention and Living:
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard
- Year of paying attention to nature
- Similar spirit to Oliver’s work
- Pulitzer Prize winner
- Extraordinary prose
The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible by Charles Eisenstein
- Living according to deeper values
- Moving from cynicism to action
- Purpose in context of larger change
- Philosophical and practical
Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans
- Stanford course on life design
- Prototyping your next phase
- Design thinking applied to life
- Practical exercises and frameworks
Closing Reflection
Mary Oliver spent her life walking in the woods, paying attention to small things, and writing poems that asked the questions we’re afraid to ask ourselves.
She didn’t tell people how to live. She asked: “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
And then she modeled an answer through her own life:
- Pay attention
- Notice what brings you alive
- Devote yourself to what matters
- Remember you’re mortal
- Choose consciously
- Let your life be wild, not just tame
- Treat each day as precious
You’re reading this right now. This moment is part of your one wild and precious life.
How will you spend the rest of today? This week? This year?
You probably already know something that’s true:
- Something you care about that you’re ignoring
- Something you’re drawn to that you dismiss
- Something you know you need but keep postponing
- Something that would bring you alive but feels impractical
Oliver’s question strips away the excuses:
Not “should I?” or “is it practical?” or “what will people think?”
But simply: “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
You don’t need to answer completely today. But you do need to take the question seriously.
Because this is it. One life. Wild and precious.
What will you do with it?
Reflection Questions
Take a moment to journal or contemplate:
- When do I feel most alive, most like myself? What does that reveal about what deserves my life?
- What am I doing with my life that I wouldn’t do if I knew I had only one year left?
- What am I not doing with my life that I would do if I had the courage?
- What’s the “wild” part of my life that I’ve been trying to domesticate or ignore?
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Essential Reading: 📚 New and Selected Poems – Includes “The Summer Day” 📖 Upstream: Selected Essays – Oliver on attention and living 🎯 Let Your Life Speak – Listening for your vocation 💫 Designing Your Life – Practical life design framework
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