Today’s Teacher: C.S. Lewis (1898 – 1963)
The Teaching
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.”
— C.S. Lewis
Who Was C.S. Lewis?
Clive Staples Lewis was a British writer, scholar, and Christian apologist, best known for The Chronicles of Narnia and Mere Christianity. Born in Belfast, Ireland, Lewis lost his mother to cancer when he was nine—a loss that profoundly shaped his early skepticism about faith and meaning.
He served in World War I, was wounded in battle, and returned disillusioned with religion. For years, he was a convinced atheist, certain that the universe was cold, meaningless, and indifferent. He built an impressive academic career at Oxford and Cambridge, becoming an expert in medieval and Renaissance literature.
Then, in his early 30s, through long conversations with friends (including J.R.R. Tolkien), Lewis underwent what he called his “conversion”—a reluctant movement from atheism to Christianity. He described himself as “the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England.”
What makes Lewis’s wisdom about humility so compelling is that it came from someone who knew both extremes: the arrogance of the brilliant atheist who thought he had it all figured out, and the genuine humility of someone who realized how wrong he’d been about fundamental things.
Lewis discovered that true humility isn’t self-hatred or false modesty—it’s freedom from the exhausting tyranny of self-obsession.
Understanding the Wisdom
The Misunderstanding of Humility
Most people misunderstand humility completely.
We think humility means:
- Thinking you’re worthless
- Denying your talents and abilities
- Self-deprecation and putting yourself down
- Making yourself small
- Never acknowledging your accomplishments
- Pretending you’re worse than you are
This creates “humble” people who:
- Fish for compliments (“Oh, I’m terrible at this” while clearly being good)
- Engage in false modesty (“This award means nothing” while being thrilled)
- Minimize their achievements to appear humble
- Feel guilty about success
- Hide their light to avoid seeming arrogant
Lewis says: This isn’t humility. This is just another form of self-obsession.
You’re still thinking constantly about yourself—you’re just thinking negative thoughts instead of positive ones. You’re still the center of your own universe.
“Not Thinking Less of Yourself”
Real humility is not:
- Low self-esteem
- Self-hatred
- Denial of your worth
- Pretending you’re incompetent
- Constant self-criticism
A humble person can accurately assess their strengths:
- “I’m good at this” (without arrogance)
- “I worked hard and succeeded” (without false modesty)
- “I have valuable skills” (without boasting)
- “I deserve this recognition” (without pride)
The key: They state these things as simple facts, not as proof of superiority or need for validation.
A truly humble person isn’t torn down. They’re just not puffed up.
They know their worth—but they also know everyone else has worth. They know their abilities—but they don’t need to constantly compare or prove themselves. They acknowledge reality about themselves without either inflating or deflating it.
“Thinking of Yourself Less”
This is the revolution in Lewis’s definition.
Real humility is:
- Getting over yourself
- Not making everything about you
- Being genuinely interested in others
- Not constantly monitoring how you’re being perceived
- Freedom from self-consciousness
- Forgetting yourself in service, work, or love
The humble person:
- Doesn’t enter a room calculating how they compare to everyone there
- Doesn’t process every conversation through “what does this mean about me?”
- Doesn’t need to be the center of attention or the smartest in the room
- Can celebrate others’ success without feeling threatened
- Can receive criticism without being devastated
- Can give praise without feeling diminished
They’re not thinking “I’m worthless.” They’re just not thinking about themselves constantly.
This is freedom. Freedom from the exhausting prison of self-focus.
How to Practice This Wisdom Today (Valentine’s Day Edition)
1. Morning Self-Focus Check (5 minutes)
On Valentine’s Day—a holiday often focused on romantic love—start by examining where you’re trapped in self-focus.
Ask yourself:
How much of my mental energy is spent on myself?
- Worrying what others think of me
- Comparing myself to others
- Defending my ego
- Seeking validation
- Monitoring my performance
- Calculating my worth
Where am I confusing humility with self-deprecation?
- Do I put myself down to appear humble?
- Do I minimize my gifts?
- Do I feel guilty about my strengths?
What would it mean to think of myself less today?
- Not “think less of myself” (low self-worth)
- But “think of myself less” (less self-obsessed)
Today’s intention: “Today, I will practice thinking of myself less and others more. I will get over myself.”
2. The Self-Forgetfulness Practice (Throughout the Day)
Valentine’s Day is perfect for practicing self-forgetfulness through genuine attention to another person.
When with your partner, friend, or anyone today:
Notice when your attention is on yourself:
- “How do I look?”
- “What do they think of me?”
- “Am I being interesting enough?”
- “Did I say the right thing?”
- “How am I coming across?”
Practice shifting to genuine curiosity about them:
- What are they actually experiencing right now?
- What do they need?
- What are they trying to communicate?
- What’s their inner world like?
- How can I be present to them rather than my performance?
This is humility in action: Forgetting yourself enough to actually see another person.
The paradox: When you stop performing and worrying about yourself, you become more genuinely attractive and connected. People feel it when you’re truly present rather than self-monitoring.
3. The Comparison Liberation (Midday Practice)
Valentine’s Day can trigger intense social comparison—perfect opportunity for humility practice.
When you notice comparison:
- Seeing others’ relationship posts and feeling inadequate
- Comparing your Valentine’s Day to someone else’s
- Feeling superior or inferior based on relationship status
- Judging yourself for being alone or partnered
Practice Lewis’s humility:
Instead of: “They have a better relationship than me” (thinking less of yourself) or “At least my relationship is better than theirs” (arrogance)
Try: “Their relationship is theirs. Mine is mine. Both are real.” (thinking of yourself less)
Instead of: “I’m so pathetic for being alone on Valentine’s Day” (thinking less of yourself) or “I’m above this commercial holiday anyway” (defensive arrogance)
Try: “I’m alone today. That’s okay. What genuinely brings me joy?” (thinking of yourself less)
The humble approach: Accept reality without making it all about your worth. Your relationship status, your Valentine’s Day experience—these are just facts, not measures of your value.
4. Evening Love-in-Action Practice (15 minutes)
End Valentine’s Day with the ultimate humility practice: serving someone without need for recognition.
Choose one person and do something for them that:
- They won’t know came from you, or
- Won’t result in praise or thanks, or
- Is purely for their benefit, not yours
Examples:
- Write an anonymous encouraging note
- Do a household task your partner hates (without mentioning it)
- Send appreciation to someone who won’t reciprocate
- Donate anonymously to a cause
- Help someone without telling anyone about it
This is pure “thinking of yourself less”:
- No credit
- No validation
- No ego boost
- Just action for someone else’s good
Reflect: How does it feel to give without any return to your ego? This is the practice of humility—getting over yourself enough to simply love.
A Modern Application: The Valentine’s Day Humble Love
Let’s apply Lewis’s wisdom to something especially relevant today: how to love humbly on Valentine’s Day.
The situation: It’s Valentine’s Day. You want to show love to your partner, but you’re anxious about doing it “right,” worried about their reaction, or feeling pressure to perform.
The self-focused approach (disguised as love):
What you’re actually thinking:
- “Will they think this gift is good enough?”
- “Is this as romantic as what their friends are getting?”
- “Will they post about this on social media?”
- “Am I doing Valentine’s Day right?”
- “What if my effort isn’t appreciated?”
- “I need them to be really grateful so I feel valued”
What you do: You plan elaborate gestures, but you’re performing—not out of genuine love, but out of need for validation. You’re watching their reaction anxiously. You’re keeping score. You’re hurt if they don’t respond exactly as you hoped.
The result: You’re so focused on yourself (your performance, your worth, your validation) that you’re not actually present to your partner. They can feel it. The whole thing feels performative and pressured, not genuinely loving.
This isn’t love—it’s ego dressed up as romance.
The humble approach (Lewis’s way):
What you practice: “Today is about expressing genuine appreciation for this person, not about proving my worth or getting validation.”
Shift from self-focus to other-focus:
From: “Will they like this gift?” (about you being validated) To: “What would bring them genuine joy?” (about them)
From: “I hope they appreciate my effort” (needing recognition) To: “I’m grateful for who they are” (expressing gratitude)
From: “Did I do Valentine’s Day right?” (self-performance) To: “Am I present to this moment with them?” (actual connection)
What you do: You give your attention, your presence, your genuine appreciation—not to get something back, but because you’ve temporarily forgotten yourself in the act of loving them.
Maybe it’s a simple gift. Maybe it’s just being fully present during dinner, actually listening instead of thinking about how you’re coming across. Maybe it’s doing something they need without fanfare.
The result: They feel actually seen and loved—not like an audience for your performance. You feel free—not anxiously monitoring their reaction. The day becomes about connection rather than ego.
This is humble love: Loving someone while thinking of yourself less.
The irony: This actually creates better connection than all the self-focused performing ever could.
The Deeper Philosophy
Humility as Freedom
Lewis understood that pride is a prison and humility is freedom.
Pride (self-obsession) means:
- Constant vigilance about your image
- Exhausting comparison with others
- Desperate need for validation
- Fragile ego that must be protected
- Can’t enjoy others’ success
- Can’t admit mistakes
- Trapped in self-consciousness
Humility (thinking of yourself less) means:
- Freedom from constant self-monitoring
- Enjoyment of others without comparison
- No desperate need to prove yourself
- Resilient because your worth isn’t fragile
- Can celebrate others freely
- Can learn from mistakes
- Liberated from self-consciousness
Lewis knew: The humble person is happier because they’re free from the tyranny of ego.
Humility and Love
On Valentine’s Day, this connection is especially relevant: You cannot truly love while trapped in self-obsession.
Love requires:
- Seeing another person clearly (impossible if you’re only seeing yourself)
- Being present (impossible if you’re monitoring your performance)
- Giving freely (impossible if you’re constantly calculating return)
- Celebrating them (impossible if you’re threatened by their joy)
C.S. Lewis wrote in The Four Loves: True love involves a kind of self-forgetfulness—not self-hatred, but temporary transcendence of self-focus in attention to the beloved.
The paradox:
- The more you focus on yourself in love, the less you can actually love
- The more you forget yourself in love, the more you can genuinely connect
Humble love is the only real love.
The Christian Context
Lewis was a Christian, and his understanding of humility was shaped by that tradition. You don’t need to share his faith to benefit from the insight, but understanding the context enriches it:
In Christian teaching:
- Jesus washed his disciples’ feet (servant-leadership)
- “The last shall be first” (reversal of ego-driven hierarchy)
- Love your neighbor as yourself (not more than, not less than, but equally)
Lewis interpreted this as: True humility isn’t debasing yourself—it’s getting over yourself enough to genuinely love God and others. It’s freedom from the prison of self-obsession.
The model: Someone so secure in their worth (as a child of God) that they don’t need to constantly prove, defend, or inflate themselves. Free to serve, free to love, free to be present.
Whether you’re religious or not, the insight stands: Security in your inherent worth allows you to stop obsessing about yourself and start genuinely connecting with others.
Your Practice for Today
Here’s your challenge based on Lewis’s teaching—perfect for Valentine’s Day:
Today, practice thinking of yourself less by genuinely focusing on another person.
The Practice:
1. Choose one person: Partner, friend, family member, even a stranger.
2. For at least one interaction today, practice complete self-forgetfulness:
Before the interaction:
- Set intention: “I will be fully present to them, not to my performance”
- Release need for validation: “I don’t need anything from this. I’m just going to be present.”
During the interaction:
- Notice when attention goes to yourself (“How am I doing?” “What do they think?”)
- Gently redirect to them (“What are they experiencing?” “What do they need?”)
- Listen without planning your response
- Ask questions from genuine curiosity, not to seem interesting
- Let them be the center
After the interaction:
- Don’t analyze your performance
- Don’t seek reassurance
- Just let it be
3. Notice the difference: How does it feel to forget yourself temporarily? Do you feel more connected? Less anxious? More free?
4. Extend to today’s activities:
- Making coffee: Focus on the coffee, not yourself making it
- Walking: Focus on the walk, not yourself walking
- Working: Focus on the work, not yourself working
- Loving: Focus on the person, not yourself loving
The pattern: Get absorbed in reality outside yourself. This is humility—and it’s liberation.
5. Evening reflection:
What did you notice when you thought of yourself less?
- More present?
- Less anxious?
- More connected?
- Happier?
Lewis’s promise: The less you think about yourself, the happier you’ll be. Not because you’re worthless, but because self-obsession is exhausting and connection is life-giving.
Essential Reading: Dive Deeper into C.S. Lewis
If this teaching resonates with you, explore these books:
Primary Sources:
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
- Lewis’s most famous work on Christian faith
- Includes profound chapter on pride and humility
- Accessible whether you’re religious or not
- Brilliant reasoning and clear writing
- Perfect for Valentine’s Day reading
- Explores affection, friendship, romantic love, and charity
- Profound insights on love and humility
- Beautiful, accessible prose
The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
- Satirical letters from a senior demon to a junior tempter
- Brilliant psychological insights on pride and humility
- Funny, clever, profound
- Shows how ego tricks us
Surprised by Joy by C.S. Lewis
- Lewis’s autobiography
- His journey from atheism to faith
- Shows his own movement toward humility
- Beautiful writing about meaning and longing
Applied Wisdom:
- Classic Christian text on humility
- Short, accessible, practical
- Daily readings format
- Complements Lewis beautifully
The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Timothy Keller
- Short book based on Lewis’s insight
- Gospel perspective on ego-freedom
- Very accessible and practical
- Quick read with profound impact
Ego Is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday
- Secular Stoic approach to humility
- Historical examples of ego’s destruction
- Practical wisdom for modern life
- Complements Lewis from different angle
The Road to Character by David Brooks
- Explores humility and character development
- “Resume virtues” vs “eulogy virtues”
- Modern examination of what really matters
- Thoughtful, well-researched
- Science of secure attachment in relationships
- How to love without ego-driven anxiety
- Practical for Valentine’s Day and beyond
- Research-based approach to humble love
Closing Reflection
C.S. Lewis spent years as a brilliant, arrogant atheist, certain he had reality figured out. Then life humbled him. He realized how wrong he’d been about fundamental things.
From that humbling emerged his greatest work and his deepest wisdom.
He learned: True humility isn’t thinking you’re worthless. It’s getting over yourself enough to see reality clearly—including other people.
Today is Valentine’s Day—a day supposedly about love. But love is impossible when you’re trapped in self-obsession.
You cannot truly love someone while:
- Constantly worrying what they think of you
- Performing to get validation
- Needing to be the center of attention
- Comparing yourself to others
- Monitoring your worth through their reactions
This isn’t love. This is ego using love to feed itself.
Real love requires humility: Thinking of yourself less so you can see them clearly. Forgetting yourself enough to be genuinely present. Releasing your need to perform so you can simply connect.
The beautiful paradox: When you stop trying to prove your worth, you become more worthy of love. When you stop performing, you become more genuinely attractive. When you think of yourself less, you become more fully yourself.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.
Today, on Valentine’s Day, practice this:
- Love someone without need for validation
- Give attention without monitoring your performance
- Be present without self-consciousness
- Connect without comparing
- Serve without seeking credit
Get over yourself enough to actually see another person.
This is the practice of humility. This is the practice of love. And on Valentine’s Day, they’re the same thing.
What would change in your relationships if you thought of yourself less?
Reflection Questions
Take a moment to journal or contemplate:
- Where am I confusing humility (thinking of myself less) with low self-worth (thinking less of myself)?
- How much of my mental energy is consumed by self-focus—worrying what others think, comparing myself, seeking validation?
- In my relationships, when am I genuinely present vs. performing and monitoring myself?
- What would it feel like to forget myself enough to truly see and love another person?
Tomorrow’s Wisdom
Join us tomorrow as we explore a teaching from Thích Nhất Hạnh, the Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist, on mindfulness, being present, and how washing dishes can be an act of liberation when done with full awareness.
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Essential Reading: 📚 Mere Christianity – Lewis’s masterwork, includes profound chapter on pride 📖 The Four Loves – Perfect Valentine’s reading on types of love 🎯 The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness – Short, powerful book on ego-freedom 💫 Ego Is the Enemy – Secular approach to humility and success
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