Today’s Teacher: Epictetus (50 – 135 CE)
The Teaching
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
— Epictetus, Discourses
Who Was Epictetus?
Epictetus was born into slavery in the Roman Empire. His name literally means “acquired one”—he was property, not a person. His master, a wealthy freedman who served Emperor Nero, was notoriously cruel. According to one account, his master once twisted Epictetus’s leg so severely that it left him permanently disabled.
Yet from this position of absolute powerlessness, Epictetus developed one of history’s most powerful philosophies of personal freedom. Eventually freed from slavery, he became one of the most influential Stoic philosophers, teaching in Rome until Emperor Domitian banished all philosophers. He then founded a school in Greece where he taught students—including future emperors—how to live with wisdom, courage, and inner freedom.
Epictetus never wrote anything himself. His student Arrian recorded his teachings in the Discourses and condensed them into the Enchiridion (Handbook). These works have influenced everyone from Marcus Aurelius to James Stockdale (a Vietnam POW who credited Epictetus with helping him survive seven years of torture).
What makes Epictetus extraordinary is this: a man who had every reason to be bitter about his circumstances instead became a teacher of freedom. A man who was enslaved taught emperors how to be free. His wisdom comes from lived experience—he knew what it meant to have no control over circumstances, and he discovered where real power actually resides.
Understanding the Wisdom
The Fundamental Misunderstanding
Most people believe their suffering comes from what happens to them:
- “I’m unhappy because my boss is unreasonable”
- “I’m stressed because traffic is terrible”
- “I’m hurt because they rejected me”
- “I’m angry because the world is unfair”
- “I’m anxious because the future is uncertain”
Epictetus says: You’re wrong about the source of your suffering.
Your suffering doesn’t come from the events themselves. It comes from your reaction to the events—your judgments, interpretations, and responses.
This isn’t semantic wordplay. It’s a profound shift in understanding where your power actually is.
What Happens vs. How You React
What happens to you:
- Mostly outside your control
- Often random, unfair, or unwelcome
- Can be disappointing, painful, or frustrating
- Cannot usually be changed after it occurs
How you react to what happens:
- Entirely within your control
- Your choice, conscious or unconscious
- Can be wise or unwise, helpful or harmful
- Can always be changed, even in the moment
Example:
What happens: You get laid off from your job (outside your control)
Reaction Option 1: “I’m a failure. No one will ever hire me. My life is ruined. I’m worthless.”
- Result: Paralysis, depression, damaged self-worth, inability to move forward
Reaction Option 2: “This is difficult and disappointing. I’m scared about money. But I’m capable, I have skills, and this might redirect me to something better. I’ll take this one step at a time.”
- Result: Productive action, maintained dignity, forward movement
The event is identical. The suffering is completely different based on your reaction.
Epictetus would say: The layoff cannot make you suffer. Only your reaction to it can.
How to Practice This Wisdom Today
1. Morning Event-Reaction Separation (5 minutes)
Start your day by training yourself to distinguish between events and reactions.
Write down:
Events I might face today (outside my control):
- Traffic delays
- Other people’s moods
- Technology glitches
- Unexpected problems
- Disappointing news
- Physical discomfort
Reactions I can choose (within my control):
- Patient vs. frustrated
- Curious vs. defensive
- Calm vs. anxious
- Kind vs. irritable
- Productive vs. paralyzed
- Accepting vs. resisting
Commitment: “Today I will pay attention to my reactions and choose them consciously rather than automatically.”
2. The Pause Practice (Throughout the Day)
When something unwelcome happens, create a pause between the event and your reaction.
The Event Happens: Someone criticizes your work. Your flight is cancelled. You get a parking ticket. Your partner says something hurtful.
Instead of automatic reaction:
PAUSE. Take three breaths.
Ask yourself:
- What just happened? (State the objective fact, no interpretation)
- What is my automatic reaction? (Notice without judgment)
- Is this reaction useful? (Will it help or harm?)
- What reaction do I choose instead? (Conscious decision)
Example:
- “My partner just criticized how I loaded the dishwasher.”
- “My automatic reaction is defensiveness and anger.”
- “That reaction will start a fight and make us both miserable.”
- “I choose curiosity. Maybe they had a hard day. Or maybe there’s something I don’t know about dishwasher loading. I’ll ask a question rather than defend.”
The event didn’t change. Your reaction—and therefore your experience and outcome—completely changed.
3. The Reaction Inventory (Midday Check-in)
Pause midday and review your reactions so far.
Ask:
- What events triggered strong reactions in me this morning?
- Were my reactions automatic or chosen?
- Did my reactions improve the situation or make it worse?
- What would Epictetus say about how I reacted?
Choose one reaction you want to redo:
- “When X happened, I reacted with Y. I wish I’d chosen Z instead.”
- “If something similar happens this afternoon, I’ll choose Z.”
This isn’t about self-criticism. It’s about building awareness and making better choices going forward.
4. Evening Reaction Review (10 minutes)
Before bed, do a Stoic examination of your day’s reactions.
Write brief answers:
- Where did I react wisely today? (Celebrate this—you exercised your power well)
- Where did I react unwisely? (No shame—just learning. What would a wiser reaction look like?)
- What patterns do I notice in my reactions? (Do certain triggers always get certain reactions?)
- Tomorrow, I will practice reacting differently to ___________.
Epictetus taught this daily practice. Over time, it transforms your automatic reactions into conscious choices.
A Modern Application: The Social Media Outrage Cycle
Let’s apply this to something extremely common: getting triggered by social media.
The Event: You scroll through social media and see a post expressing an opinion that outrages you—political, social, moral, whatever. Your blood pressure rises instantly.
The Automatic Reaction:
- Rage scrolling through their profile
- Crafting a devastating reply
- Screenshot and send to friends to validate your outrage
- Spend the next hour furious
- Rant to your partner at dinner about “people like this”
- Can’t sleep because you’re still thinking about it
The Cost: You just gave hours of your life, your peace of mind, and your emotional energy to someone who doesn’t know you exist and won’t change their mind anyway. Your evening is ruined. Your relationships suffered because you brought this anger home. You lost sleep.
What actually happened? Someone posted an opinion on the internet. That’s it.
What caused your suffering? Not their post. Your reaction to their post.
Epictetus’s Approach:
Event: Saw an opinion that conflicts with my values (can’t control)
Pause: Notice the surge of outrage. Breathe.
Ask:
- “Will arguing change their mind?” (No)
- “Will staying outraged serve me?” (No)
- “Is this how I want to spend my evening?” (No)
- “What reaction would I choose if I were wise?” (Scroll past, focus on something meaningful)
Choose reaction: “People hold different views. I can’t control that. I can control my attention. I choose to give my evening to things that matter—connection, creativity, rest—not to anger at strangers.”
Close app. Return to life.
Same event. Completely different evening. Not because you changed what was posted, but because you changed your reaction.
This is the power Epictetus teaches.
The Deeper Philosophy
The Dichotomy of Control (Again)
Epictetus is famous for teaching the “dichotomy of control”—there are things within your control and things outside it. The wise person invests energy only in what they control.
Outside your control:
- Other people’s actions, opinions, feelings
- The past (already happened)
- Most of the future (hasn’t happened yet)
- Your reputation
- Natural events (weather, aging, illness, death)
- Results and outcomes (you influence but don’t control)
Within your control:
- Your judgments and interpretations
- Your desires and aversions
- Your actions and choices
- Your reactions to events
- Your values and principles
- Your effort and intentions
The suffering we experience comes almost entirely from trying to control what we cannot control, and from not controlling what we can—our reactions.
Reactions Create Reality
Here’s what’s radical about Epictetus: Your reaction doesn’t just affect your experience of reality—it literally creates your experienced reality.
Two people can face identical circumstances and have completely different lives based solely on their reactions:
Person A: Loses their job, reacts with shame and paralysis, stops trying, becomes bitter
- Reality: Prolonged unemployment, deteriorating relationships, declining mental health
Person B: Loses their job, reacts with acceptance and action, updates skills, networks actively
- Reality: New opportunity within months, expanded network, increased resilience
The external event was the same. The lived reality became completely different.
Your reactions don’t just flavor your experience—they shape what happens next. They determine who you become.
Freedom Through Reaction Control
Remember: Epictetus was literally enslaved. He had no control over his circumstances, his body (which was injured), or his basic freedoms.
Yet he discovered he was free in the most important way: he controlled his reactions, his judgments, his interpretations.
His master could control his body but not his mind. Circumstances could limit his options but not his character. Others could do things to him but couldn’t make him become bitter, cruel, or broken—unless he chose those reactions.
This is the ultimate freedom: No one and nothing can determine who you are except you, through your reactions.
Your Practice for Today
Here’s your challenge based on Epictetus’s teaching:
Today, choose your reactions consciously instead of reacting automatically.
The Practice:
1. Identify your typical triggers: What consistently gets automatic negative reactions from you?
- Criticism? Delays? Rejection? Injustice? Inconvenience? Disrespect?
2. When triggered today, use this formula:
EVENT → PAUSE → CHOOSE REACTION
3. For each trigger, ask:
- “What’s the wisest reaction I could choose here?”
- “What reaction serves my highest good?”
- “What would the person I want to be do right now?”
4. Notice the difference: When you react automatically vs. when you choose consciously, how different is your experience?
The goal isn’t perfection. You’ll react automatically sometimes. That’s human.
The goal is awareness. Can you catch yourself? Can you choose differently even 10% more often today than yesterday?
Over time, conscious reactions become new automatic responses. You reprogram yourself toward wisdom.
Essential Reading: Dive Deeper into Epictetus
If this teaching resonates with you, explore these books:
Primary Sources:
- Epictetus’s core teachings condensed into a short handbook
- Perfect for daily reading—can finish in an hour, study for a lifetime
- Timeless practical wisdom from a former slave
Discourses and Selected Writings by Epictetus
- Fuller version of Epictetus’s teachings
- More context and examples
- Shows his teaching style and wisdom in depth
Modern Interpretations:
A Guide to the Good Life by William B. Irvine
- Excellent practical guide to Stoic philosophy
- Makes Epictetus accessible for modern readers
- Includes concrete practices you can start today
The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
- 366 daily meditations based on Stoic wisdom
- Heavy influence from Epictetus
- Perfect for building a daily practice
Applied Wisdom:
Thoughts of a Philosophical Fighter Pilot by James Stockdale
- Vietnam POW credits Epictetus with survival through 7 years of torture
- Powerful example of Stoic philosophy under extreme conditions
- Shows how Epictetus’s wisdom works in real crisis
The Obstacle Is the Way by Ryan Holiday
- Modern examples of Stoic principles (heavily influenced by Epictetus)
- Shows how to turn obstacles into opportunities through wise reactions
- Practical application for daily challenges
Closing Reflection
Epictetus was beaten, enslaved, and crippled. He had every reason to believe that what happened to him determined his life and his happiness.
Instead, he discovered something that transformed not just his life, but the lives of millions who’ve studied his teachings: What happens to you matters far less than how you react to it.
Not because trauma doesn’t hurt. Not because injustice doesn’t matter. But because your power doesn’t lie in controlling events—it lies in controlling your reactions.
Today, things will happen that you don’t choose:
- Someone will disappoint you
- Something will go wrong
- Plans will change
- People will be difficult
- Circumstances will be imperfect
You cannot control these events.
But you can control your reactions to them.
You can react with:
- Wisdom instead of foolishness
- Patience instead of rage
- Acceptance instead of resistance
- Growth instead of bitterness
- Dignity instead of desperation
- Choice instead of compulsion
The events don’t determine your day. Your reactions do.
The events don’t determine who you become. Your reactions do.
A slave taught emperors this wisdom. A man with a crippled leg taught about freedom. A person with no control over his circumstances taught about the ultimate control—the control over your own mind and reactions.
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
What will you choose to matter today?
Reflection Questions
Take a moment to journal or contemplate:
- What events consistently trigger automatic negative reactions from me?
- What would change if I chose my reactions to these events consciously?
- Where am I giving away my power by blaming events instead of examining my reactions?
- What wise reaction can I practice today instead of my usual automatic response?
Tomorrow’s Wisdom
Join us tomorrow as we explore a teaching from Harriet Tubman, freedom fighter and conductor of the Underground Railroad, on courage, action, and what it means to keep moving forward even when you’re afraid.
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Essential Reading: 📚 The Enchiridion – Start with Epictetus’s handbook 📖 Discourses – Epictetus’s full teachings 🎯 A Guide to the Good Life – Modern Stoic philosophy made practical 💪 The Obstacle Is the Way – Apply Stoic wisdom to daily challenges
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